Light at the end of the Lens – Moving across country wasn’t easy. I had left behind many people. People that had already left me behind. And although my heart was suffering, I was lucky enough to have my Dad around in White River. I am more than happy to admit I am a Daddy’s girl.
My Dad owned a pub in White River, which was perfect for the lifestyle I’d been leading for a few years already. I made loads of new friends, many of which I still stay in contact with today. I might have only been in White River for just under 2 years, but it left some of the most lasting memories of my life. Not all filled with lifelong friendships, pub life and beautiful scenery. I let my guard down and allowed my heart to rule my head. I met someone that I followed into a dark hole. A hole in nearly didn’t come out of.
Drug addiction is not a choice. There is an initial choice to take the drug – absolutely. And it was one of the worst choices I’ve ever made. I took a drug that hooked me from the first time I tried it. The feeling of being wrapped up in cotton wool and floating in the clouds, that was addictive. But also the need for one more hit to take away the withdrawals. Something that would become part of my every waking hour.
I’m not going to go into many details about the life I led. Although you are welcome to contact me directly with any questions. My time as an addict was a life of chaos, intense physical pain, emotional numbness, anxiety and stress. The list goes on and on. I look back at this time and think, why did I not use my intelligence and knowledge of drug addiction and say NO. Hindsight is an amazing thing. But out of this addiction became a stronger, more ambitious woman. I don’t give up easily, because I know what rock bottom is all about.
I’m sure by now, it’s easy to see why I didn’t pick up a camera (apart from the fact that I would’ve sold it for drug money). I was also too busy working two jobs, 7 days a week and contemplating where and how we could get our next fix. My life had one purpose and no room for anything else.
We eventually moved back to Durban for more work opportunities. Or so we thought. When you needed to work, and make money to fit around your habit, life became hard. I can honestly say that if I didn’t get free pizza when I worked as a waitress, that I probably wouldn’t have eaten for days. I weighed about 40kgs and didn’t care. Eating cost money and that was too valuable to waste.
So why did I stop?
I knew I wouldn’t have lived for much longer if I didn’t. When I walked into the rehab, I thought I was going to overdose right there. I had smoked so much that morning, that it’s a miracle I’m still here. But I surpassed the odds. There are only 2% of people that don’t relapse on the drug I took and I am one of them. Proud that I managed to succeed against an evil disease, but not proud of the person it made me or even putting myself in that position to start with.
The first 4 months of rehab was intense. I couldn’t sleep more than a few hours. I had horrific nightmares, intense restless leg syndrome, pain that could easily be on a similar level to that of childbirth. To walk away with only short term memory problems and one or two minor health issues, is extremely lucky. It could’ve been much worse.
After 7 months of rehab, I met my husband. Someone who supports me all the way. We had our first baby, Jayden in South Africa and I picked up a camera again. What a great feeling. Documenting this amazing little bundle and precious time in our lives. We since moved across the world to the UK. Leaving behind friends and family, to give our children a better life.
Our boys are our focus
Our youngest, Jenson, was born in Kingston and is our little British baby. Our boys are our focus and the most amazing blessings we’ve ever been given. I look at their beautiful faces and I know that the only way is up. I will always have an addictive personality, it’s a trait. Or a flaw in my opinion. But I manage it and live with it. Just as so many people in this world live their live facing an uphill battle. I am just so grateful to have had the support of my parents. I have found and lost so many people along the way, but I know the people in my life today, are worth it. I have been through too much to settle for anything less than what we deserve.
My husband bought me my first DSLR
My husband bought me my first DSLR in the UK and I haven’t looked back. I must admit that when I first got the DSLR, I could barely turn on the camera, let alone take a photo. I had use a film camera at school and didn’t know the first thing about digital cameras. But after many hours reading the manual, doing courses all over London learning how to use my camera, many hours of online research and watching tutorials, I can now turn on my camera 😉 Just kidding.
I learned how to use my camera in manual and then decided to do a Level 3 diploma in Photography. I have since invested time and money into Newborn Photography training. And more recently lighting training and ongoing mentoring until Summer 2017. I have met some amazing people in my mentor group and people that I know I can call my friends. I will be the top of my field someday – that’s the goal. In the meantime, I will continue to learn and capture beautiful images until I get there. And Photography will always continue to be my therapy.